Thank you everyone for your amazing comments and support. It has made this difficult and unsettling time a heck of a lot better! I’m still a little sad. Which is weird because I am truly NOT at ALL a sad person. In every situation, I am able to find a silver lining and quickly move forward and refocus. I’m not a “dweller” and I never have been. I like to think of what is happening now, and of course, the future. Onwards and upwards…never backwards.
(this is a picture of the city right now. Yikes.)
A lot of people have said to me that at least now I can focus on my spring race, Boston. Which IS actually, in fact, true. However. The thing with Boston is that for the past 8 years? I have not run it FOR ME. I run it for Children’s Hospital. I run it for my adorable, sweet patient partner, Everett. My times get affected for Boston. I stop to hug kids along the way. Every Children’s Hospital mile stop- I break to give some high fives, get a popsicle or candy. During the Boston Marathon, the past 7 years (and soon to be 8) have meant that I run for a cause bigger than ME. And I have always been 100% okay with that, and still am.
Two years ago, I decided to run Hyannis as a winter marathon, and knew I would be running Boston in April. I knew I would be tough to basically train back to back for marathons. I also really didn’t care. I wanted to hit a new PR at Hyannis, and then i did it. This year, I wanted to revisit the Hyannis course, and take a NEW PR for myself. Not just a “course PR”, but a NEW MARATHON PR: 3:08.
My current marathon PR is 3:28. I realize 20 minutes sounds like a large jump. At the risk of sounding like a crazy person–> here is my reasoning for shooting for that goal:
-I was solidly trained for a 3:18 marathon in October 2014.
– I didn’t reach that goal because of a couple random things (not having my hydration pack with me and a ridiculous headwind).
In my mind, this meant I only had to shave 10 minutes off of my time. (NO JUDGING on my crazy thinking, PLEASE) The thing is that i worked sooooo hard for it. Honestly? I’ve been working on my new goal since my BQ back in October. Nearly all of my workouts center around my goals. I just don’t like to slow down and i certainly do NOT like to quit. Telling me “NO” or “you’ll never be able to do that” means that you should drive to Foxwoods or Vegas and bet on me doing the EXACT OPPOSITE of whatever you just said—> I don’t like those phrases and have proved naysayers to be wrong many times in the past. I was going into Hyannis with the winning attitude and wanted to place, high, within the top three finishers. I can’t even sugar coat my disappointment.
And you know there is ALWAYS a “but” in these types of posts and conversations.
I am healthy.
I am not injured.
I have my legs (both of them!)
I am able to run, every day.
I have the ability to undertrain and overtrain (if you can’t run right now than obviously you can appreciate that sentence)
I can still continue to be bad ass in my training.
It’s not like I have to “give up” running because I can’t run my marathon this weekend..
YES. I die hard trained for this full marathon.
But, i can’t say that all those 20 mile runs feel like a waste because MAN i LOVE 20 mile runs…. I’m such a weirdo.
I know maybe some of you are wondering why I don’t just pick another race? But I would like to just tell you right now that I have LESS THAN ZERO % desire to travel and run a race on a course I have no experience on. I wanted to run a race on a course that i had a ton of experience on. I don’t want to fly to participate in a race (someday, maybe i will travel by plane for a race!). I can’t miss more time from work ( 8 snow days& counting). This race was my race and now my race is no longer. It is what it is.
So on Tuesday, I sat on my couch for a while
all day . I may or may not have eaten a ton of candy. (no judging!). By 3 pm, I had had enough of my wallowing-ness. I felt YUCKY. What better to solve the YUCKY-NESS feeling for a RUNNER than to GO FOR A RUN? There is nothing better, its true. I laced up and hit those snowy streets and ended up having one of the best runs. It should have felt like “A LOT” of effort for this really hilly run…But it didn’t. Every mile felt easy and that is a true mark of how hard I have been working.
Garmin satellites were wonky-6.85 miles/7:15 avg pace.
This run helped to put my mind into a better perspective. As with life, running is all about perspective, decisions, and the choices we all make.
I CHOOSE to be a runner.
I CHOOSE to run.
I CHOOSE to race.
But most importantly of all: I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY. Running and racing make me happy. I’m going to keep doing what makes me happy…even if I have to wait a while longer for my next PR race. I’m not worried because everything happens for a reason. And only time will tell me what the heck that reason is.
I will be back for you, Hyannis. And not only will I be winning you next year… I will be teaching you a lesson by setting on you a new course record. TAKE THAT, Winter 2015!
What makes you happy?
How do you spin a bad thing into a positive?