That million dollar question I get asked all the time??

Tick, tick tick…..2014 is here and with it, brings
My 32 birthday.
I try very, very hard NOT to focus on my age, but, it’s here..looming on my Own personal horizon. This post is a bit more open and personal than what I normally share (for once, it isn’t about running, food, treadmills, inspiration, or funny pictures), and I debated even sharing it. But, in the world of blogging:honesty is important. So take that as my only disclaimer for “over sharing”

A couple days ago, a colleague of mine posted a funny article from a blog post written by a 26 year old woman who is single and sans children(the ultimate sin?!). The people in her life are constantly asking this woman the most popular questions a twenty-something single gal is asked; and all are prefaced with the dreaded “WHY” and “WHEN”:
WHEN will you get MARRIED?
WHY aren’t you married?
WHEN are you having babies?

The article struck a nerve because even though I’m married..I get asked ALL the time when I’m going to have babies.
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I am now 31, and my 32 birthday is less than four months away. If you knew how often people ask me “when are you having a baby” you would be surprised. I always think “what if we were actually TRYING to conceive yet can’t..and you’re asking me this?!?”(disclaimer: this is NOT family&friends, it’s literally strangers who only know that I am married, and not much else about me)

Almost immediately following “when are you going to have a baby” comes “when you get pregnant are you still going to run?” (Honestly, people do not hold back, ever, it’s pretty amusing) It shocks some people when I say that “YES” I plan to run through my pregnancy(ies?). GASP!!!!!!!!
I’m already a runner-it is proven to be safe to continue to run through your pregnancies if you are already a runner. Don’t think I would put myself, or a baby at risk-I obviously would follow the rules of my doctor, decrease my mileage, and rest more often. Honestly, my Body would probably be MORE in shock if I DIDNT run throughout a pregnancy- it’s way too used to routine.

These questions are posed as easily as if one were asking what I was having for lunch. I guess I should expect it though.
Why?
Glad you asked. Well, because for years, I have noticed how questions are posed to the 20something&30something’s. Your life choices suddenly become the scrutiny of others. I noticed it when I was dating, and it became even more evident when Greg and I became engaged in 2011. When we were dating, it was ‘when are you getting hitched’ and it was literally days after getting engaged that I was asked if we had set a date. Why would the question of when we are deciding to reproduce be much different?.
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(a few photos from our engagement shoot. Honestly, he is so handsome!)
People can be obtuse to your feelings, and, your privacy. I have heard it all, such as this classic gem:

You know, when you are trying to get pregnant, you’re going to have to stop running. Women can’t run when they’re trying to get pregnant.”

And then the man went on to say that he had a friend who was a runner who had a difficult time conceiving. I am very sorry for that family’s struggles. But, I have to say:I have been the unwilling victim to more unwanted comments than you have time to read about. That story actually happened at least 8 or 9 years ago…and I was single at the time, go figure.

Life sure is funny, and surprising. When i was in my early to mid-twenties..all I had ever wanted was to be married with children (yet without Al & Peg!).

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I heard over and over from my already married/engaged friends “your time will come!” And the ever-annoying “everything happens for a reason”. I told myself-when I got married-I knew that I would IMMEDIATELY start wanting to make “people”(aka, KIDS!!:)), because isn’t that what life is about?? I couldn’t WAIT to be a mom, And a wife.

My husband & I: a brief history of our story so far
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(the very first pic my husband I took together)
I met my husband shortly after I turned 26. I took my baby sister who had been 21 for like 2 minutes out for drinks at a local dive bar. Little did I know that my husband would be there, and we would meet for the first time. If you ask him, he will tell you that he “couldn’t sleep for 3 days because (he) had just met the girl he was going to marry.” Cue the romantic violins, please! it was extremely romantic to hear his side of the sorry later 😍😘😍

Fate just wasn’t ready for us that night as THISGIRL had a boyfriend…albeit, a ridiculous boyfriend, but, still, I had a boyfriend. Our stars finally aligned 6 months later after Mr. Ridiculous & I hit Splitsville. And I never once looked back. I never forgot that guy at the bar, and he couldn’t forget me. (He secretly used to ride his bike by the place he THOUGHT I worked, hoping to bump into me. How cute is that?)

I re-connected with Dude from the Dive Bar. Once my husband took me on our first date, it was hearts for eyeballs for this girl. 😍😍😍😍😍😍<—-see I told you! I once told my best friend that my decision to be with my husband was the easiest decision I had ever made. We just…immediately clicked.

We were married 3 years later and have been living and laughing ever since (laughter is mostly at my own expense, but what can I say..the dude is funny). I know my husband doesn’t really ever read the blog. ( he recently admitted that he skims it every once in a blue moon) but,..in case he is reading now: HEY GREG!!!! YOURE THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME!! We have now been married since August of 2012. Not ALL that long, but, yes, long enough to “make people”.

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Here is what has surprised me MOST about my life and views AFTER marriage:
I’m not ready to be a full time mom (of my own kids) yet. I have a stepdaughter who is with us on weekends, and that’s terrific. we have a blast together.

Tick, tick..who’s a worrywart??
Do I worry about getting older and the possibility of not being able to get pregnant? of course. I’m human, and a woman. But, No one could be more surprised than me to find that the horizon of my 32nd birthday is looming, and I’m STILL not 100% ready to be MOM.

Baby fever hits me, sometimes (especially when we were around all our families cute new babies this Christmas) Life is funny how it works out. Sometimes I wish I had another 10 years to be able to reproduce without concern and enjoy this beautiful alone time my husband and I have. Sadly, the world around me reminds me that I ain’t gettin any younger.”The odds are not in my favor” (as I like to think Effie would say).

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Marriage provides lessons.
Sharing, caring, understanding, growth as a person, growth as a couple..I could go on and on. Although I once thought that what I wanted to do was immediately grow our family, I am learning that ISNT all there is in life. Life is what you make of it. And right now, my husband and I are having blast as a two-some (and being weekend parents). We aren’t rushing to have kids. Parenting is a HUGE responsibility and not to be taken lightly, ever.

We mean you no harm!
I know the people who ask me these things truly mean no harm…and I find it much less offensive than I do awkward. (admit it…it’s weird to ask someone you barely know when they are getting knocked up).

(Oh, and just so you know…I love, quite intensely, when one of my girlfriends tells me they are pregnant. I DO love kids. Just throwin that out there).

Eventual Parenthood.
I like to think that I’m doing a lot of prep work for that big day, and that when it comes- we will be the happiest, most joyous parents that the world ever saw, because right now, I’m totally enjoying our “newlywed” life. When he gets home from work, I get to ask him about his day, kiss him, make him dinner, and snuggle on the couch. And it’s SO fun having “just us two” to worry about. I know these things can continue once we have kids, but this alone time is precious.

On the flip side… I can attempt to plan the “when” but it doesn’t always happen like that. “Accidents happen” as the wise people say. And truly, if you learn only one thing from this story if mine, let it be that you can’t plan life. I definitely have accepted that fate sometimes steps In because she knows secrets about you nobody else does. When I remember that younger self of mine, I remember how nervous and apprehensive I always was. And rushing, always rushing. Now I like to take time to smell the roses.

So, although getting older is indeed something I worry think about, I try extremely hard not to let it get to me. If you offered to give me a million dollars for my guesstimate on WHEN we will get working on babies-I couldn’t tell you. But I know this: I know that someday, over the rainbow, babies will come. And we’ll be be ready for them.

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8 thoughts on “That million dollar question I get asked all the time??

  1. Man, I am so glad you shared this. I am engaged to be married to my honey, and we’re an interracial couple. People genuinely are curious I think, but to hear some of these questions from strangers?

    “How are your parents with you being interracial?” Fine, but why would I share with you, a perfect stranger, if they were not?

    “Have you thought about interracial children?” Uhhh yah, but again none of your business.

    “You know, you’re probably going to have to stop teaching fitness classes when you’re pregnant, all that jostling around can’t be good for the baby.” Which is why it’s so great that God designed the baby with a nice amniotic sac to protect him/her.

    Geez, don’t you worry sweetpea, whatever will be will be. Marriage is tough as it is, no sense putting any more pressure on yourself. Enjoy your hubby!

  2. that is tough, I just turned 36, and while I already have two kids that I love and adore I can’t help but wonder sometimes if my family is “complete” I can’t get rid of the feeling that I should maybe go for one more. I am just not ready, but that clock is ticking a lot louder this year, After I had my daughter, and I had a son already people would say “your family is complete, you have a boy and a girl, now you can quit having kids!” I can’t help but be sad my daughter has no sisters since I have two that I am so close to. like that above commenter said I never really felt ready for the other two babies either they just show up and you figure it out and wonder what you ever did with out them. (well besides sleeping, going to the bathroom by yourself and being able to enjoy quiet evenings 😉

    I got pregnant while running both times. I hate when people say those kinds if things, that is right up there with “running will ruin your knees”

    • This is a great comment!!! I have a friend who says the same thing as you- she always wonders if she should try for more and then she thinks about how she has two healthy kids so why chance it, but then she wants more…it’s a circle!
      I like how you likened the obnoxious runner pregnancy comments to “ruining your knees” —you are SO RIGHT!!!

  3. I just found your blog and this is probably an over share coming from a newbie but I can 100% relate to the obnoxious comments about running and pregnancy! I actually had some GUY tell me that if i continued to run, I’d stop being fertile because marathon runners lose their periods (what kind of person has the balls to tell some random chick about losing her period??) I was only 23 at the time and not looking to be preggers at all but literally the week after i ran a full marathon I found out i was pregnant even though i was actively trying NOT to be (oops!) i also firmly believe that there is NO good time to have a baby but you make it work anyways and things happen for a reason….thats my uber long comment way of saying you are not alone! I hope 2014 is good to you!

    • Wow this is an awesome comment! Thank you so much for sharing that story, and oh man some people can just be so obnoxious sometimes it just kills me!
      You are right though-there really is no great time to have a baby. That’s what my sister in law tells me all the time. You just do it:)
      Right back at cha-I hope 2014 is awesome to you too!:)

  4. Love it! We get questions like that all the time, though in our instance it’s obviously a bit more difficult being in a same sex marriage and kind of missing a vital part. 😉 I really do wonder what some people are thinking with certain questions like that.

    • This REALLY made me feel better! I have a really good friend that recently
      told me she and her partner get asked all the time too..i guess you can also flip it to think how it is great for society that people are asking you this bc it demonstrates how open minded people are becoming to ask you and your wife a question like that,but yes..what ARE they thinking! 🙂

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